So yes while, I am certainly going to try to just have fun and not let the predicted heat, lack of sleep, or the 20 thousand other things happening in my life that are trumping running these days get to me, but try is the key word here. I am just too competitive - for better or worse as I told Jeremy this weekend - that's who I am. So being the competitive me whether or not I want to be, the fact that I know that if I was running at my pre-pregnancy pace I would have a chance for being in the top five in my age group added to the fact that I am a bit of perfectionist and always want to PR, is making it hard for me to simply forget about my time.
Thus, I have reached (or rather am still trying to reach :) a compromise with myself. Worry about time - but be realistic. Realistic about what I can do in my life now and not dwell on what I did before being pregnant or even what I originally thought I would be doing 6 months after have Kellan. So instead of shooting for sub-1:30, I am going to go for a post-baby PR and aim for under 1:40 or maybe even 1:45. And while this deal with myself is for this particular race it is really bigger than that.
The deal is really about embracing and enjoying my life every day - even if every race isn't a PR. It's about finding balance. A balance that works for me and my family. And it's not that I am not going to stop training in hopes of obtaining new PRs, it's just that I know (or am very, very quickly discovering) that with a 6 month old keeping me up most nights, work keeping me on my toes all day, dinner to make and bottles to wash filling up my evenings before finding time to spend with my favorite boys, and of course still making time for baking, I am not in a place to really ramp up my running like I would like right now.
So for now, I need to be better about enjoying every run I do sneak in and be more patient with myself and my body as I work it back into shape. I need to better understand the cyclic nature of life and realize that some weeks aren't going to be good running weeks - but maybe those weeks will be priceless Kellan weeks, or maybe fun baking weeks, or family focused weeks. Case in point - this past week: it wasn't a great running (runs were hard and tedious) or baking (cupcakes tasted good but were rushed and thus not as fun as I would have liked) week for me - rather the focus of this week was getting to Pittsburgh Wednesday night so that Kellan could see his Uncle Matty for a second time and finally meet his Aunt Azizi both who were home from deployment for a few precious days!
To that end, even this weekend, while yes it is the half marathon I am all nervous for, really the true celebration of the weekend and our main reason for going to Pittsburgh this weekend occurs after the half-marathon is over. At 2pm to be exact when we will be proudly cheering my mom on as she receives her PhD and become Dr. Wesmiller! So this is what I need to remind myself when I start fretting again over how "not as fast as I would like" my last trainig run was or how I am not feeling nearly as mentally prepared as I would like for the race, etc. And yes I know, this is sooooo much easier said than done...it's going to take LOTS of time and practice.
Clearly lots of work to do on setting up and implementing this little deal with myeslf - but I am trying to get better every day and for now that's all I can do. So with that I am going to go outside for a walk with my little guy and enjoy this amazing Friday afternoon and TRY not to stress or even think about the race on Sunday as why should I right, :) the deal is I am going to try to be realistic and most importantly have fun! (haha...r...i..g...h...t! We'll see how long it lasts...but deal is to try!)
For now I leave you with a few pics of my rushed and thus not overly exciting cupcakes that I made in Patriotic red-white and blue and Army green and yellow for our favorite soldiers...
And more importantly (remember even though this is a cupcake blog...this week was about FAMILY! :) here are a few pictures of Kellan hanging out with his Uncle Matty and Aunt Azizi!
Playing Cards with Aunt Azi!
Loving all the attention from the coolest Captains he knows!
Hanging out with Mom and Uncle Matt!